His Beautiful Mess

January 28, 2012…I set out for a Saturday morning run with the running group.  All was set to go.  I was in the beginning stages of training for my first marathon. A big turnout that day.  I thought I'll show them how awesome a runner I am.  God had other plans that day.  My shattered, prideful ego was humbled as I ended up getting a minor injury and having to hobble back to my car. Angry and at that time in life, very bitter towards God, I found myself literally yelling out my frustrations and asking how He could allow this injury to happen. But there was more at work than just the injury. Awhile later, I get back to my car as the group was starting to finish their run. I went up to a friend who didn't really know much about what was going on in my life and asked if I could pray with him.  It was a simple prayer: "God I don't know what surrender looks like, but I want to surrender. I want to trust You.  I'm miserable trying to be my own god. I give y...

We’re all looking for grace.   For someone to look at us and say “You’re okay.   I accept you where you’re at." But who cares for you too much to let you stay there and wants to see you grow.  But it doesn't come from harsh critiques on how you need to get your act together or pointing out everything you do wrong. But by simply showing up consistently, caring for you, lovingly correcting at times, and ultimately pointing you to Jesus for your identity. Yes, humans are fallible.   We all make mistakes.   Our good intentions of helping sometimes end up hurting.   Only Jesus is our perfect picture of grace but as humans, specifically Christians, it is our call to extend grace. Grace for ourselves and grace for others.  I’m in a battle. A battle that has waged war on my heart for years now.   Before I didn’t even know I was in a battle because I was just surrendering to my enemy without realizing it.   But now my eyes are open...

If ever I have the riches of kings, let me remember the day I had none. Give. If ever I gain wisdom beyond my years and the favor of many, let me thankful for the wise leaders who trained me and to remember my intellect is Yours. Be humble. If ever I land the job of my dreams, let my decisions honor You and to remember the humble beginnings of cleaning up after others. Serve. If ever I have my painting room with the beautiful landscape to view, let me remember you are the creative Designer. Display Your beauty. If I ever I see the world at large, let me remember you are the sovereign and loving Ruler of all. Be humbled by Your grandness yet so very thankful that You love me so intimately. If ever I am blessed with a lifelong companion, let me treasure him as an undeserved gift from You and remember the nights spent alone in waiting. Serve and love him all my days. If ever I have little tots running around the house, let me remember they are a blessing and to love and cherish the...

My heart is being pulled in different directions…. I love my city I love my family I love my friends I love my newly formed community group I love the places I get to volunteer I love my church I love my cold winter runs I love my favorite coffee shop I love the life I have here at home This whole process has been quite the roller coaster though as I prepare to move overseas to do missions.  Excitement. Anticipation. Wonder. Support. Preparation. Waiting on God. Trusting Him to provide the finances and resources I'll need. Sadness with leaving.  The closing of a chapter. Some days I wake up and think what the heck am I doing? Ha! Reality has hit. I'm leaving in 17 days. 17 days. This is happening. There's always the question of what will life look like for the ones I leave behind? Their lives will go on without me.  They'll learn. They'll grow. They'll fall.  They'll get back up. They'll love. I miss their weddings and the concerts ...