His Beautiful Mess

An excerpt from a journal entry I wrote on July 25, 2012:  Living on mission. What does that even mean? Is the Gospel advancing? What does that look like for my life?  These are  biblical terms I grew up hearing but I know for sure one thing--my life revolves around my selfish wants and not about bringing glory to God.  Currently, my daily concerns revolve around thinking if my boss thinks I'm doing a good job, having the desire to be married one day, if my friends and others think I'm fun and relevant.  I'm constantly worrying about myself and my agenda.  The kingdom is not advancing as it should be in my life.   Fast forward to present day, September 9, 2012.  Whew, God has taught me so much even in the last few months.  What does living on mission mean? I, by no means am an example of always living like this but what I've come to find is that living on mission means you go to the emergency room all night to be with a coworker that i...

If you don't regularly journal, I would highly recommend it.  Granted, I process things best by getting them on paper but it's always great to look back and see where you've come from. I feel that I'm at a crossroads in my life.  I'm excited for my future, wherever God might take me and I'm finally able to see the big picture of the last few years. This crazy adventure began in May 2009 in a dirty San Diego hostel talking to a Swiss man about theology and the meaning of life.  That conversation wrecked me.  I realized at that point I had been running on self-righteousness and empty words.  I was confused and wondering who God was and my relation to Him and what the heck this life was about.  I feared telling others that I had questions and doubts.  Thank God for good friends.  Around this time, I talked with my friend Frick. Frick had been praying for me and felt God saying a few things to me.  I wrote down his exact words. "It will ge...