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A Place to Call Home: Reflections on Loneliness

...but as servants of God...unknown yet well known 2 Corinthians 6:4-10 excerpt

I often wonder what life must have been like for the apostle Paul. He endured countless obstacles and consistent persecution but I find that as I read about his life he counted the cost and had an unexplainable joy deep in the fabric of his heart and nothing could take that away. How is that he could live in such miserable physical conditions and battle loneliness, not just being alone but being misunderstood and unknown by men. The only answer is Jesus. Jesus was his example because that is the life Jesus lived on earth and called His followers to. 

Recently, I've found myself in a place of feeling unknown to those around me. I've been many places overseas and all around America. I've lived in third world nations and seen extreme poverty and I've lived in America with extreme material riches. Why is that when I lived in places of material poverty, I found more joy and a closeness to God? It's because Jesus was all I had. Everything was out of my control and I had no other choice but to be dependent on the Lord. 

I find myself back in America now, the land of opportunity and prosperity with every comfort at my fingertips. I have 100 restaurants to choose from for dinner, even more countless health insurance plans, and more entertainment options than I have hours in the day for. So why am I so miserable? 

I miss that one day when I lived in India and they served us cereal with milk. I cried. We had been eating bland rice mush most mornings for breakfast and then one morning we got cereal. I couldn't contain myself. My comforts had been stripped from me and all the things I felt entitled to. It was only a few weeks that I lived like that but it forever changed my life. It's not that I hate America. I love my country. I love that I have freedom to be a Christian and have equal opportunity for employment but I hate the person I become when I get comfortable in America. As the apostle Peter said live as free people (in Christ) but don't use your freedom as an excuse to do evil. I have freedom in Christ and I have earthly freedoms living in America but the evil I'm tempted towards in America is to dwell in comfort and luxury and forget that I'm in a battle. 

John Piper explains it well saying "I am wired by nature to love the same toys that the world loves. I start to fit in. I start to love what others love. I start to call earth "home." Before you know it, I am calling luxuries "needs" and using my money just the way unbelievers do. I begin to forget the war. I don't think much about people perishing. Missions and unreached people drop out of my mind. I stop dreaming about the triumphs of grace. I sink into a secular mind-set that looks first to what man can do, not what God can do. It is a terrible sickness. And I thank God for those who have forced me again and again toward a wartime mind-set." 

As crazy as it sounds, it's harder for me living in America than in India. In India I have no other choice but to be dependent on the Lord. Having been overseas and seeing the great need for the Gospel to go forth among unreached people, I have a tremendous responsibilty now. I can't stay in my comfortable house and not do something. But for now, during this time I'm in America, my prayer is that I would be uncomfortable and therefore dependent on the Lord. I find myself now as a "nomad on this earth" as Katie Davis says in her book "Kisses from Katie." I don't feel that I have an earthly place that is "home".  Sure I have the house that I grew up in with many incredible memories but one day that house will be gone. I am homesick and longing for an eternal place to be known. 

I know the answer and He is Jesus. While on earth, my home is the presence of Jesus but one day I know that I will finally be home with my Father in heaven, where my heart belongs. That is my hope. A handful of people in America understand me and I am incredibly blessed by them. Yet even in this time of loneliness, surrounded by people, but still feeling unknown, I know that I am known by my Father and He is all I need. 

Book Recommendations: "Kisses from Katie" by Katie Davis
Sermon Recommendation: Doing Missions When Dying is Gain by John Piper
Scripture Recommendations: 2 Corinthians 6:4-10, Philippians 1:12-30, 2 Timothy 4:16-18


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